As indicated in
the Terry Schiavo case, determining what a loved one
would want is neither a simple nor clear decision
"When you're at that moment,
when you have to say, 'Yes, let's discontinue life support,' that's
really challenging psychologically, no matter what your beliefs were
before that moment," said Carpenter. "That's the one case that made the
news, but these kinds of decisions get made every day."
Autonomy, personal growth matter
to aging parents
Initially, Carpenter began the
study by interviewing one child of aging parents, asking them to guess
what their parents might answer to questions about everyday lifestyle
choices. The study was expanded by then extrapolating the method to
study more than one child of aging parents and determining responses to
a broad array of preferences, such as psychosocial preferences,
preferences regarding medical care and pragmatic preferences such as
financial decisions.
Overall, the most poorly
predicted decisions involved preferences regarding autonomy and personal
growth. Children tend to believe that independence and continued
education, exploration and growth are less important to parents than
parents say they are. So children think their parents aren't that
interested in attending cultural events, traveling, reading, staying
abreast of current events and making their own everyday choices when
those things remain important to older adults.
The question that Carpenter and
his colleagues seek answers to is: "What makes children good at
predicting parental responses to these questions?" The research team is
examining whether family dynamics and interaction style — a tendency to
interrupt one another speak over one another, or make critical comments
— could predict the ability of a child to be a "good" predictor.
Additionally, once they identify what characteristics of the family
relationship make children good predictors of parental wishes, how can
those characteristics be applied or taught in other families?
Starting the conversation
 |
Brian Carpenter
|
Carpenter's research also
includes an educative portion, in which they construct a workbook for
each family member, matching parental and child answers to each
question.
"In the workbook and family
education session, we also provide tips about communications skills and
decision-making strategies, helping families figure out how to start and
then have these conversations in a way that's most useful," Carpenter
said.
Disparities in answers are
discussed together, thereby facilitating the initial conversations about
parental mortality and wishes later in life, topics that some families
find difficult to bring up.
Carpenter stresses that such
conversations are part of a larger process. It takes many conversations
and much time to know parents well enough to determine their wishes and
desires later in life.
During the holidays, when we
spend time with our families and friends, it is difficult to imagine a
parent falling ill. And while the holidays might not be the timeliest
occasion for potentially difficult conversations, Carpenter says that it
is essential to begin an open dialogue between parents and children
regarding wishes later in life.
Source: Washington University in
St. Louis
Published on 14th
December 2005